悪弊 akuhei

A carving

made into nothing.
A tendency,
a bad habit
that i couldnt be rid of.
A tendency,
a bad habit
becoming something that i lean on.
To ease a pain
that often came
uninvited.
Barging in
making its home.
Pains
that wont go away
training me to be numb, deprived me of feelings.

A carving
made into nothing
as i do it so often,
that it aint a big deal,
to no one,
not even me.

-YMS-

u do not understand the insecurity i feel u do not realize the pain u had given me u will never truly know me since u never even tried u may say u love me yet u never really live up to those words u said u r here for me but every time that i came to u u treat me like an annoyance u kept me distance from your world u treat me like a stranger u may occasionally treat me nice but then u dump me like trash

death seems tempting

i am not happy, because i'm not worth as much as he is to me, i am sad because, he can love me, and never again as easy as that, i am devastated because, i love him, still do, and always will, i am ruin because, i trusted him, when people already disappointed me, enough to make me never to trust anyone ever again, i am damage because, i am still holding on, when there is nothing to held on to, this is why, i am not cut out for life, this is absolutely why, suicide always came in mind, as death seems so tempting..

hopeless

it's so easy to say, blame it on u, for all this while, but no matter what, i'm still here hurting, the damage's done, leaving in pain, drowning me in despair, yet u don't give a damn, i give up, i give up, i thought if i knew sooner, that life is unfair, i'll find my way, to live on, no matter what, but know i realize, the knowledge is useless, i give up, on everything i ever believe in, even though there might be reasons to kept on living, but i had no reasons to put up with all this, there is nothing i had left, that can make me moving on, therefore i give up, upon this life of mine..

i love u

it's not fair to only expect me to understand u i need to be understood too don't jz spout words wfout thinking cz u never know how much of them had hurts me brings me pain im hurting im damage im suffering cz i love u because i love u datz y im hurt when u treat me wrong because i love u i feels so bliss when u give me love because i love u i cried when ur in pain because i love u i always wna b someone who u depends on when ur in a pinch because i love u i want u to love me too

im hanging on to u

im hanging on hanging on to promises that might not be kept im hanging on hanging on to words that might did not bear any meaning im holding on to something that is fragile that might break at any moment im being pull so high up feeling so light, but at the same time carrying a huge weight in my heart fear that i might jz be pushed down as soon i reach high enuf